The DHL Package

DHL delivers packages door to door. It’s expensive but we are assured of fast and safe delivery. The package goes to the other end of the world but it is totally unaware of how it got there.

The Sri Lankan child is like a DHL package. He is taken everywhere by his mother. The safety and wellbeing of the child is of utmost importance to the mother. She only wants the child to study, pass exams and enter university. The child has to face a lot of competition and is under a lot of pressure. The mother does everything for the child. As a result the child is unable to do anything for himself.

When the child leaves school he is expected to transform himself miraculously from a helpless and pampered package into an independent adult.

Recently a caring university lecturer told me that her students have problems because of their emotional immaturity. I was not surprised since I am an over protective mother like all the other mothers I know.

The Love for UN

The teens of Sri Lanka seem to be big fans of the UN

1300 teens participated in the Sri Lanka Model United Nations (MUN) which concluded yesterday. I expected all Sri Lankans to hate the UN because of the troubles created for us by the Secretary General. Looks like I was wrong.

Talking the Talk

My daughter Tish was a delegate representing a western nation. She did research, wrote position papers and used jargon like passing resolutions. I was in a state of euphoria. I imagined an era of world peace in the near future. I imagined all these teen peacenics at MUN being the leaders of tomorrow. Well which mother does not imagine her child to be a future leader?

My euphoria was short lived. This morning Tish informed me that she was on Face Book discussing with her friend the best method of destroying the country they represented. They were discussing the best weapons to use ( the most potent weapons of mass destruction) and if or not they should buy weapons from Iran. I asked her why she wanted to destroy the country. She said they had learned a lot about the country and had come to hate it. I suppose everything has unforeseen consequences.

Teens Would be Kids

Tish looked smart in a suit and gorgeous in saree - a mother's biased opinion. I think these teens were only playing dress up like little kids do. Maybe for a little while they feel they have power and so have a good time.

Sea and Sand

I spent idyllic holidays in Kuchchaveli and Nilaweli.

There was a little house called the Shanty in Kuchchaveli made of timber. Previous occupants had drawn the the fish they had caught. The little house had only the bare essentials. We managed without electricity.

We spent endless days floating in the beautiful sea with inner tubes of tires around our waists. Nobody cared about sunburn. We used to buy crabs when the pots were taken out of the water. We played cards or read by lamplight in the evenings.

When the war I ended I started dreaming of going to Trinco. I don't think the little holiday homes survived the war. Today I tried to book hotel rooms for a couple of days in August when my husband is free but both hotels are fully booked.

I feel very sad. It's more than the disappointment of not being able to go to Trinco. It's the inability to recapture the innocent happiness of my childhood. It was a time time before sickness, death and broken marriages. I wanted my girls to experience the same happiness as I had experienced in Trinco.

I am still dreaming of Trinco with hope of walking on her beaches and watching the sun rise in the cool early morning.

Kissing

Are Sri Lankans turning into a nation of Kissers?

I am getting kissed by Strange Men

When I was a kid I got kissed only by my parents, aunts and grand mother.

Later cousins and good friends I saw after a long absence kissed me.

Now people who are virtual strangers have started kissing me. It's like everybody has suddenly turned into French. I am suffering from culture shock.

It takes some getting used to.

I first noticed the trend at a family get together . Relatives of my mother whom I hardly knew kissed when greeting. I thought it was because I lost my mother. These peopled loved my mother so I thought it was OK.

Kissed By Men

At a recent Old Boys get together the men were talking and drinking - thrilled to see each other. The wives sat around the tables trying hard to make conversation. It was very hard with the noise the men and the band were making.

Then the men started coming over to talk to us. They went around the table hugging and kissing the women. I do not like to be kissed by sweaty drunk strangers. I realised the women were sitting ducks. I joined my husband and circulated with him. It was much more interesting and surprisingly even though I met more men they did not kiss.

Being Trendy Is not Always Good

Is hugging and kissing an international trend? I am not used to it. I don't like being touched by strangers or even strangers coming too close to me. I like to have some personal space. The Sri Lankan greeting is bringing the palms together or worshiping there is no physical contact. I think I prefer it that way.

Boys Are Creatures

They are compared to animals, aliens and even body parts. There is a Lizard, an alien and a Ephron in my daughter Tish's school. Thats the way Tish describes the boys in her school.

Who's That?

Tish was in an all girls school till OL's. I got to know her classmates and their families. When she talked about her friends I knew all about them. Now when she mentions somebody I am lost. So I ask her "who's that?" . She has no problem describing the girls. She describes their physical appearance and personalities. I can visualise them

What's That?

.

The descriptions of boys are completely different. One is a lizard. I don't know what a lizardy boy is supposed to look like. Another is like Betty's nephew. I know it's Ugly Betty's nephew Justin, so shouldn't have been a problem except for the fact that the boy doesn't actually look like Justin but only talks like him and has his mannerisms. The Alien poses anther set of problems since I don't know which type of alien the boy is supposed to look like.

There is also a boy who looks like an Ephron. I know what a nephron is, it's in the kidney but I am yet to figure out what an Ephron is. If not a body part it has to be a mythical creature in the Harry Potter series or the Lord of the rings series.

Why's That?

Tish is an articulate child. She spoke in sentences at 12 months. Her creative writing impressed her teachers. So her inability to describe boys was puzzling.Now I think I have figured out the reason. Tish grew up with girls so she does not consider boys human. To her they are Alien creatures and animals.

For My Husband

Hardworking Public Servant - It's Not a Oxymoron

It's a description of my husband. My husband never takes a break. He comes home after work only in time for dinner. He says he is not entitled to a single day's leave. It's a shocking violation of human rights. It's speially shocking when you consider the fact that he is a poorly paid public servant. Totally different from the stereotype of the lankan public servant. I would have got him to take legal action for human rights violations if I believed him.

He is never at home during weekends because he goes to his village to take care of his family business. He says it's so he can give us a comfortable life. Forget about Poya days, they are for the temple society meetings.

Embarrassed

He is tired when he is at home so he does not want to do anything fun with me and our daughters. On the rare occasion I get to go out with him, like to the neighborhood Food City, I am very excited I think it quite romantic. Then I feel embarrassed. I am not used to sitting in the front passenger seat. I feel like I'm out with an illicit lover. I can hardly look at the Food City employees in the eye. I think " now they know who fathered my daughters".

I feel sorry for my husband

He is missing the best part of life, spending time with his children. In two years time our elder daughter will be an adult and will be leaving home. I enjoy every minute I get to spend with my daughters. I feel lucky to be a full time mum. So actually I am grateful to my husband for enabling me to do so.

So it's happy May Day to my husband and all the other hardworking people especially the public servants because they don't get paid enough.

Shopping With Nerds

Steve Jobs Has Nothing On Me

I can't understand all the fuss about the i pad.. My products, my daughters, are much more useful and smarter than the i pad. They look better too. I don't have to worry about charging batteries. Well the best example for their utility value is when shopping for DVDs.

I can get the following info from Tish

1. The names of the 10 top grossing movies

2. The names of Academy award winning movies

3. The award winning actors and actresses

4. The relationship status' ( actual/speculated) of actors and directors

5. The movies she thinks I'll like

Tish gets all this useful info form E News. Who says watching TV is a waste of time?

I don't have to push a single button to get this info.. My product works on voice recognition. I don't even have to carry her around. The only problem with my invention is getting her to go shopping.

No Time For shopping

It's near impossible to persuade my daughters to go shopping. I expected teen aged girls to love shopping for cloths and accessories. I thought that they loved to hang out at malls. That's how girls are portrayed in movies and sitcoms. I now know that these girls are unrealistic stereotypes.

A conversation with real girls, i.e. my girls, goes like this

Me : Lets go shopping.

Tish: Why?

Me: You need clothes.

Tish: I have clothes.

Me: then why do you go around in rags?

Tish: Ha ... I like my clothes. Then she comes up with an excuse

Following is her usual list of excuses

1. I have to start an unit

2. I have to finish an unit

3. I have to do a paper

4. I have home work

I don't buy these excuses because

1. It's all to do with maths. Girls are not supposed to like math.

2. If she is too busy to go shopping how come she has time for TV and Face Book?

In the Clothing Shop

On the rare occasion I persuade my girls to go shopping there's not much shopping done.

Tish hardly looks at the clothes - she daydreams. When I frown at her she moves the clothes along the rack a bit. Then she says there's nothing that she likes. I wonder how she know that if she doesn't actually look?

If it's a mall I have to take the girls to the bookshop first so that they can read while I look at stuff. I lose all enthusiasm for shopping because they look so bored and unhappy. Then we eat. At least they love to eat out. So though the purpose of the trip is shopping I spend mostly on food. I leave buying CDs tiil the end because the girls want to return home as soon as we buy them so that they can watch them.

Visiting Relatives

During the New Year holidays we visited relatives as tradition dictates. My husband's relatives are old fashioned, prim and proper people living in the Wayamba province. Although we are supposed to wear nice new clothes on these visits my girls were in torn jeans and rubber slippers. They claim this is the latest trend. They must think I am really naive. There's no way that worn-out black Bata slippers could be in fashion.

The relatives love my girls anyway. Maybe it's because they love my husband or maybe it's because my girls get on their knees to worship every relative older than them, on arrival and when leaving. Everybody praises my husband for training the girls so well.

As for the raggedly outfits of the girls.... there's no doubt on who will be blamed for that. These relatives are too polite to mention it so I don't have an opportunity to give excuses.

Beware of Cashew Nuts

This is A Warning

This is about a little known but potent side effect of cashew nuts. This is the season of cashew, the season of fun and relaxation. It's Avurudu time, the time of indulgence. Everybody knows you have to be careful with firecrackers but nobody knows about the dangers of cashew.

Against All Odds

Five of the eight cousins of my husband, on his father's side, were born in January. The probability of this happening is 0.002%. When both our daughters were born in January we tried to figure out the reason behind this phenomenon. My initial assumption was that this happened because people are happy and relaxed during April holidays. This did not make sense as if it is true most Sri Lankans would have their birthdays in January.

Aphrodisiac

Then we heard that Cashew is an aphrodisiac. This explains everything. My husband's village is in a cashew growing area. The cashew is harvested before the Avurudu celebrations. So there is enough and more cashew for everybody to indulge in. The cashew curry made with fresh cashew is a family specialty. It is an unique recipe brought to the family by my husband's grandmother. Cashew is also eaten dried, fried and in sweetmeats.

Our theory for the family baby-booms in January is the consumption of cashew. Maybe there are fertility chemicals in cashew. So consume cashew with caution or take precautions. If it's babies you want go ahead and indulge.

Happy New Year. Subha Aluth Avuruddak.

My Daughters speak Sign Language

My husband speaks it too.. I don't know it and don't want to learn it. It's so boring. My girls enjoy the time they spend with their father. There are many aha moments for them. I feel excluded and jealous. I think it really unfair. I consider my girls my creations.

Its been unfair from the start

I carried them for nine months. It was uncomfortable and I had nausea. Then I gave birth to them the natural way which is not fun. That's risking my life. Both of them them resemble their father. Not fair.

I nursed my elder daughter for hours at end. I was a believer of demand feeding. She was a nocturnal so I stayed up at night. I had to put up with my mother's fussing and criticism. I was in a constant state of fatigue. Well after all this the first smile was to her father. She spoke her first words to her father. Not fair.

I was a full time mum. Took care of my girls with the greatest care. I drove them around and supervised their studies. Whenever the girls did anything well everybody says " like the father". I am sure I am blamed for everything that goes wrong. Not fair.

After all this the father and daughters speak a language I don't understand. It's sine and cos, integration and differentiation and the fun's just starting... I'm dreading it. I would have been interested if it was history or literature.

During term test time I distracted and disturbed them. I know it's stupid. I wonder if fathers feel left out when the kids spend time the mothers... I suppose not. They must be saints like my husband.

( shall edit later have to pick up my girl from school)

Presents for Men

I am desperately in need of ideas..

My husband's birthday is this week and so is our 17th wedding anniversary. I keep him supplied with shirt, ties and books so these can't be given as presents. After being married for so long I have presented him with whatever I can think of. It's very easy to buy women presents. There are so many things they want. Example jewelery is welcome anytime.

I have given him surprise parties so thats out... I am getting weired ideas like buying myself sexy lingerie like in the movies but I don't want to kill my husband.

Please please help me. Tell me some good gift ideas

My husband is the best in the world. so I want to buy him something really nice.

Does Champika Really Love Trees?

Saving The Environment by Saving Trees

I thought all lankan politicos are criminals till I read the publicity of Champaka Ranawaka, the minister of environment. I love the fact that Champika Ranawaka, the minister of environment, loves trees. He does not do posters - not because it's illegal but to save trees. He says the poster campaigns of some politicians will cause hundreds of trees to be cut. Then on the 17th he planted 17 trees. He does this tree loving in addition to the work at the ministry. He has made the organisations under the ministry efficient. They earn lots of money for the government. Which other minister can make such claims? I regretted that I could not vote for him ( I am married to a Wanniar so have to vote in the Puttlam district).

Champika Good. Other Politicos Very Bad.

Champika is in the papers a lot. The reporters are as impressed with his as I am. Champika is an example for the other politicians. While other politicians cost us this man is earning for us. I can't understand why we have to pay to remove posters and cutouts. We pay tax with everything we buy so all of us bear the cost. The cost should be recovered from the criminals. It would be so easy to catch them - their faces and names are on the posters.

Newspapers are Paper

I like everything about Champika except the fact that he thinks we are stupid. He has put large advertisements in the newspapers. Newspaper is paper too. Everybody knows that. It's no secret. It's in the name. Champika should let us know how many trees are cut to publish his ads. The tree planting is publicised with lots of 17s . Could it be a publicity stunt? He cycles to save the environment. Now who is going to believe that? I am sure he has a motorcade like all other other politicians.

Moderation

We can't stop using paper. Well I can't. I can't survive without Newspapers, Magazines and Books. I don't know about Champika. Maybe the 17 Trees makes him carbon neutral. At least Champika is not breaking the law by putting up posters. He should have stopped at that. Now he just looks silly, especially on the bike, and he is insulting us by assuming we are stupid. Breaking the law being the norm and mot breaking it being the exception shows the quality of our politicians.

Age Is No Barrier

I like her Because....

I love hanging out with my young friend Neeshi. So do my girls. Actually Neeshi is closer to their ages than mine. I like her for all the usual reasons like her kindness, intelligence and same interests ( books and movies). I like being with her more than with friends my age because she is alway cheerful.

Women My Age

Women my age have had problems and bad experiences so there is an element of bitterness in them. Neeshi is optimistic and enthusiastic about her future so it's a joy to be with her. I like to think she gets something out of our friendship. Though I never follow anybody's advice I love advising others. I give Neeshi great advice. Some examples - don't depend on horoscopes.. follow your instincts.. don't let people take advantage of you.

Cakes, Desserts and Me

Neeshi loves food. So I can enjoy my food when I eat out with her. Whereas friends my age are counting calories. They make a fuss about eating cakes and desserts which are my favorites. They also remember what and how much I eat and bring it up years and years later. Some even ask me to go for check ups. It's no joy going out with them.

As good as it gets

Yesterday was Neeshi's birthday. We had a buffet lunch at a hotel. I has sushi and as many desserts as I could manage, among other things. We bought some goodies to bring back home. I think it's was good as it gets.

Note.

You are right if you think I am immature.

My Mother is Dead

I Did Not Shed A Single Tear When My Mother Died

I took care of my mother during the last two months of her life. I cooked for her, fed her and washed her but I did not cry when she died. She suffered from a rare form of cancer for 17 years. She was brave and strong. She underwent torturous treatments, some in the research stage, without complaining. She always had hope and wanted to live. She took care of herself, cooking and maintaining a house, as long as she possibly could. When I used to call her she never complained about her illness. She was only concerned about me and my kids.

Taking Care of My Mother

My mother spent the last months of her life with my sister. She helped with the cooking as long as she had the energy to do so. It was difficult to watch her suffer. My exquisitely beautiful mother had turned into a fragile skeleton with a swollen tummy. Her face was still beautiful. She was in pain but did not complain because she did not want to take pain killers. Handling her was difficult because my sister and I knew we were hurting her. Hurting a mother is so very hard.

The Last Birthday

Tomorrow is my mother's birthday. This time last year we were preparing for her 70th birthday. Everybody knew it was her last birthday. I got instructions from my mother and prepared a chicken curry. She was not happy with it. Obviously it could not be good as her curry. She was a wonderful cook. We did not know if we could have a party because a cyclone was expected to hit the area. Fortunately the cyclone passed out to sea and so we had the party.

Though my mother was very weak she sat at the table till we sang happy birthday. She cut the chocolate cake but could not eat a piece. My had brother flown in for the party so all members of our immediate family was together for the first time in 16 years, after my wedding.

Death

My mother died a month after her birthday. She waited till my daughter came. She hadn't seen them for a while. She asked my husband for news of the war. She was happy the war was nearly over. She spent the last day of her life unconscious in hospital. She wanted to die at home but we could not take care of her. We could not watch her choking and struggling for breath. My sister and I dressed our mothers still warm dead body in a kandyan saree. It sounds bad but we felt as if she was alive since she was warm.

I am still moaning

I thought I was a horrible parson not to cry when my mother died. Now I know it was a coping mechanism, that I was numb with pain. I was a robot for the first 3 months after my mother died. I am still sad. I cry for stupid thing like coming across a recipe of something my mother used to make or seeing a photo of my aunt on face book. I do not believe in rebirth or the eternal soul so I don't have the consolation of knowing she is out there somewhere and that I'll meet her someday.

Regrets

My mother's fussing and worrying about me and my brother and sister used to annoy me but I miss it now. I miss my mother's love. I regret I did not tell her I loved her before she died. I regret that I did not thank her for being a good mother. I regret not phoning her more often. I regret being impatient with her.

My mother was not rich so I did not inherit any great wealth from her but I inherited something more valuable, the ability to love. She taught me how to love by loving me. She taught me how to be a good mother by doing her best for me.

Celebrating

Tomorrow is my mother's birthday so I am going to make a chocolate cake exactly the way my mother made it. I shall sing happy birthday Amma. I will be celebrating my mother's birthday and I will tell my daughters how great their grandmother was.

Tell your mother you love her

Visit her or call her as often as possible. Thank her for being a good mother. If she worries about you it's only because she love you. Put up with the advise and the fussing. You'll miss it once it's gone.

My mother liked orange and red.

Mahesh Amalean took a Risk

First in the World

Mahesh Amalean, the chairman of MAS Holdings took a risk when he chose the academics of the University of Moratuwa to design the Green factory at Thulhiriya. The MAS Intimates Thurulie is the first newly built factory in the world to be awarded the Platinum Award given by the Green Building Rating System of the US. This is the first factory in the world to win the award. Marks and Spencer has a program for environmental and social sustainability called Plan A. It invited 3 Sri Lankan companies which supplies them goods to build Green factories. MAS was the first to build a new factory under this programme.

What Green Means

Design

The building is designed for low energy consumption. The orientation and massing of building volumes and the design of windows maximise the use of natural light and ventilation. A part of the roofs have solar panels another trees and grass the rest white metal that reflects solar energy.

Power - Clean Energy

The factory is powered by carbon neutral sources. Solar 10% and 90% hydro electric power plant. The energy consumption has been reduced by using efficient equipment, natural light and ventilation and a evaporative cooling system. Task lighting is used instead of floodlighting used in other factories.

Water

The use of potable water is 50 % of comparable factories. Rain water is used and waste water is treated.

Trees

400 trees were planted to minimise the carbon footprint. The trees makes the environment pleasant for the workers and cools the factory.

University of Moratuwa Produced the Stars

Moratuwa Graduates

Team Leader - Vidhura Ralapanawa

Architect - Sanjeewa Lokuliyana

Moratuwa Academics

Architecture and conceptual Framework - Prof. Rohinton Emanuel

Civil Engineering - Prof. Thishan Jayasinghe

Building materials - Dr. Chintha Jayasinghe

Energy and Cooling Systems - Prof. Rahula Attalage

Chemical Engineering - Prof. Ajith de Alwis

( Info. from Holcim Foundation book - Clothing Factory in Sri Lanka)

Over to you - the VC of the University of Mortuwa

Why aren't the buildings being built at your university green since the uni has all the expertise needed. Lot of electricity is used for AC and lighting. Ok, so you have to go for the minimum cost in construction to get funds from the government. Surely you can explain the concept to the government. Champika Ranawana the former minister of environment will understand you since he too is a graduate of your uni.

Mr. Amalean set an example

Mr. Amalean trusted the local academics. He chose them over foreign consultants who would have cost more and who do not know the local conditions. We have academics who have studied at the best foreign universities. They are underutilised in this country. If they are used for projects, like Mr. Amalean did, it would reduce brain drain and encourage qualified Lankans to return to this country. We need all the help we can get to develop this country.

Thank you Mr. Amalean for trusting the Lankan academics and for setting an example for the private and public sector.

Age Miracle Cream Did Not Work

I AM a Desperate Wife

I am sure you have seen the ad. A wrinkled, spotty and dull skinned woman is turned into a beauty with a flawless complexion within 7 days by a miracle cream. The husband notices the change and his attitude towards the wife changes. He serves her a romantic candlelit dinner. A romantic and risque conversation ensues. Remember all this happens after after the wife uses the cream for 7 days." Who believes all this crap?" you ask yourselves. Well th answer is women like me. Middle aged women desperate for the attention of their busy husbands.

So I Bought the Miracle Cream

I am a sceptic and a pessimist but I could not resist the ad. Also my friend Sammy said the cream worked for her I believed her because she is smart and sensible. This cream is not cheap. My husband called me" high maintenance "when I bought it. I am OK with the way I look but I wanted my husband's attitude towards me to change.

I Noticed the Change

I noticed a change in my face within 7 days. The skin was dry and felt taut. I am yet to see a change in my husband even after using the cream for 7 weeks. He still comes home, in time for dinner, tired after work. He eats whatever I cook without complaining, for which I am grateful. Then I get to listen to the sweet music of his snoring.

The advertisers Know Us Too Well

My husband is a typical lankan husband from what my friends tell me. Most middle aged men are busy with work. They are at the prime of their careers. The middle aged woman can see the signs of aging on her face which makes her insecure. If the woman has two lovely teen-aged daughters, like I do, who remind her frequently that she is old it makes matters worse.

The advertisers are smart to use these facts. We desperate women suspend our disbelief to buy the cream. A miracle cream can't teach a husband to cook and serve a fancy meal. I was stupid to think that it would. I am sure the man in the ad is a gigolo. Thats what I tell myself to console myself. A husband who doesn't notice a new hairstyle is not going notice the effects of a cream, however miraculous.

Actually I am reassured because my husband did not noticed my (hopefully) younger looking skin. If he had I would have started worrying that he would leave me for a younger woman.

Is Tuition Essential ?

Good Teachers Small Classes

My daughter wants to be an engineer to save lives. We have put her into a school which has good teachers and where the classroom sizes are small. I decided to send my daughter to this particular school because I do not want to send her for Tuition. The students can ask the teachers for extra help. Also my husband claims to be an engineer (even though I am not aware of him doing any engineering, ever) and can help our daughter with maths.

I'm no Super Mum

From what I hear the hours of the tuition classes are long and inconvenient. How do the children find the time or the energy to study and to do homework after they finish with school and classes? Also I do not fancy Driving around Colombo and it's suburbs in the middle of the night. I am not a self sacrificing martyr of a super mum.

The Enablers

I am getting worried about my decision. All my aunts, cousins and friends, whose children are doing ALs or have finished recently, tell me that it is not possible to get good results without good tuition teachers. They are being helpful. They want to give me the numbers and addresses of the best teachers. They offer to organise the classes and even guarantee As.

Are we Addicted to tuition?

I have a niece who is the same age as my daughter. She manages wonderfully without tuition and is planning to go to medical school next year. She even has a social life. She does not live in Sri Lanka.

Why are we addicted to tuition? Is it the herd mentality or are we insecure?

Tell me if you think I am making a mistake

Have you or anyone you know passed the ALs well without tuition, in Sri Lanka? What's your opinion on tuition?

The Dreams of Jeevs - Oh to be Singapore

Jeevs To The Rescue.

Since I have been feeling angry and anxious these past few days I called my cousin Jeevs. Jeevs has the wonderful and unique talent of being able to cheer me up. Now let me tell you something about Jeevs first. He is the golden boy of our family. He was held up as an example, to all us lesser cousins, by our grand mother. He is very smart and now a very successful man but a supporter of the Sihala Urumaya. Though he is a lovely person Jeevs is a Sinhala chauvinist. I blame our grandmother for this.

Sri Lanka Is Like Singapore

So yesterday Jeevs worked his magic on me and cheered me up. He told me that everything was going to be ok. He believes that Sri Lanka is going to develop under MR and be like Singapore in the near future. His reasoning is that Singapore too does not have a proper democracy. The opposition is virtually non existent. It is ruled by a family dynasty too - the Lee dynasty.

Choosing Candidates in Singapore

Since our political parties are in the process of choosing candidates I thought I'd check how it's done by the PAP, the ruling party in Singapore. I found the descriptions of the new candidates. They are mostly from the business world - CEOs, GMs and Directors but also an Eye Surgeon, a Professor and some lawyers. These men and women seem so great..... it brought tears to my eyes. I got the impression that suitable people are invited to contest.( Please let me know if you know how the candidates are selected in Singapore). You should check them out.

( The link is HTTP://www.pap.org.sg) . Following is an extract.

14 MANIFESTO

We believe that the quality

of the candidates is critical.

We want men and women

of substance, with ideas and

commitment.

– Mr Lim Boon Heng, PAP Chairman,Introduction of PAP New Candidates Session 4,s

3 April 2006.

In choosing candidates to become Members

of Parliament, the PAP Leadership looks for

the 4Cs – Capability, Character, Commitment

and Compassion. Candidates must also have

strong convictions on issues so that they can

add to the robust debate within the PAP, leading

to the formulation of sound policies for the

good of Singapore. They must also care for other

Singaporeans. Some candidates carry with them

a wealth of experience in grassroots work; others

do not. But they will develop the political touch

after they become MPs, as they will learn to move

people in the right direction. Because “Action” is

the Party’s middle name, the PAP looks for people

who can get things done.

Unlike in Sri Lanka there are no Actors, Singers or Talk show hosts. They chose people who can manage and develop the country. We chose entertainers because one of the main tasks of our politicians is to entertain.

How it's Done in Sri Lanka

I heard a rumour that prospective candidates here are asked

1. How much money they can spend for campaigning

2. How many thugs they control

3. How many vehicles they have at their disposal

Please feel free to correct me, but politely.

I really do want to believe Jeevs (hope he has not got the computer animations of the election propaganda confused with reality). So I hope our political parties will choose candidates similar to those of the PAP. We have to have peopole capable of develpoing this country. Some of our present MPs are criminals, clowns and incompetents. These guys would never be in the Singaporean parliament, they would be in the Singaporean prison - now you know why the crime rate in Singapore is low.

Please not Duminda Silva

Rapist and Abuser

Duminda Silva was imprisoned for raping a 13 year old girl. Pedophiles are people with serious psychological problems. This man also kept Anarkali a virtual prisoner and abused her. When she escaped she was kidnapped. Well that's what Anarkali said. The only reason any party would nominate Duminda is because he has money and thugs.

UPFA does not need Duminda

The ruling party, the UPFA, is sure to win the upcoming general elections. They have enough resources to fight the elections (legitimate or otherwise). So they do not need Dumimda Silva. If MR is serious about the Mahinda Chinthana he has to get capable people elected to parliament. I mean with the knowhow, skills and ability to spearhead the development program not people capable of criminal activities. Maybe the MR has no choice but to nominate Duminda as no decent person is willing to come forward.

I am specially sickened by Duminda because I am the the mother of two girls who are teenagers. They are so innocent and vulnerable. If a teenager is raped her whole life is ruined and it will affect even her future children. The effects of this wile deed will be felt for generations. Originally I wanted to write this as a plea to the President but then decided that it is pointless.

Things look good for Duminda

According to the word on the street Duminda will be nominated and he will elected to parliament because he has money to throw around (so probably it's ill gotten) . So we will have to see the larger than life images of this aberration of human nature for a while.

It's not all Bad

Last weekend I was driving to Odel to satisfy my craving for a Burger from the Sandwich Factory. I lost my appetite completely when I saw the big billboard of Duminda calling himself the " Pride of Colombo". Thy say every cloud has a silver lining so I am hoping I'd be able to shed my extra kilos thanks to Duminda.

GL was Disgusting

GL was on Rupavahini last night.

He said that in his opinion, as a citizen of this country, the worst effects of SF's statements is the loss of trade and aid. He said the result of SF talking about abuse by the army will slowdown the economic growth.

Is he telling us to hide human rights abuses for economic reasons? He is a former academic. What lesson is he teaching us?

There are mothers who ignore it when their husbands abuse their own daughters. It's to protect their reputations and to have economic security. They find fault with the daughter if she reveals the truth. What GL wants us to do is something like that.

People usually respect academics. GL gives academics a bad name along with the VCs who went on TV to support MR. University administrators getting involved in politics is against regulations but as they supported the president it's ok.

MR is Not Entitled to Abuse

A Parent Has no Right to Abuse His Own Child

A mother gives birth to a child but that that does not give her a right to abuse the child. What is expected of the mother is for her to take care of the child to the the best of her ability. Everybody agrees that a parents who abuse their children are the worst criminals and should be punished. Right?

A Man Does Not Have a Right to Abuse an Animal

A man who takes in an injured animal, takes care of it and cures it does not then get the right to starve it, torture it and keep it locked up. All of you agree with me. Right?

Why do You Think MR has the Right to Abuse?

Then why do the supporters of MR think that MR can abuse his powers because we won the war against the Tigers? Why do the supporters of MR think MR and clan have the right to plunder this country and distort the law to destroy opposition?

I am very grateful to MR for ending the war but I don't think that it gives him the right to be corrupt, above the law and not have common decency. He should be a caring parent to the people of this country and take care of us to the best of his ability. He should not be a bully that all of have to live in fear of.

Why Didn't the Liberated Tamils vote for MR?

The Tamils of the north and east suffered the most because of the Tigers. MR liberated them. How come these Tamils did not vote for MR? If any of you know the reason or have any theories please let me know. I am genuinely puzzled. This is not a rhetorical question.

I am Scared

A very bad start

If this is the start of the second presidential term I truly dread the rest.

I am the mother of two young daughters. The next few years are vital for them. The time futures will be decided.

I am scared

Our leader is ruthless. Does not care about the opinion of others. His buddies are the leaders of Libya, Burma, Iran, China and Russia. I don't think MR sees anything wrong in what he does. A sociopath like his best buddies. I lived through the Premadasa era. This could be worse.

I am a pessimist so usually things turn out better than I expected.

Today I am in shock.

I don't know what to expect.

So I am scared.

Politicians NEED the Masses Ignorant

MR Supporters do not Gloat

Abdul Halik, it is true that the ignorant masses elect our leaders. So MR supporters, you should not gloat. The politicians like the people ignorant. There is a high rate of literacy in this country so the people are not ignorant in the conventional sense.

If only the Masses Knew

An average Lankan is clueless about economic policies and monetary policies of the governement. They have no idea of how the governement gets money for it's expenditure. They do not know that a substantial propotion of the money they spend on purchases go to the governement. They do not know how inflation happens.

Would the masses have voted for MR if they knew that their money was funding the lavish lifestyle of MR, other politcians and their clans, the election campaign and the governement wastage? The masses can't afford the basic foodstuff and health care is in a mess. They fund fleets of vehicles and foreign travel for the politicians while the public transport is a mess and some can't even afford bus fare.

Free Education - Opportunity Wasted

It is easy to educate the public because we have a free education system. My 14 year old daughter studies Business Studies in school. She understood, within half an hour, the use of fiscal and monetory policies by the governement to manage the economy, economic growth,recession ect.

Making it compulsory for students to learn the basics of economics and money management would be no problem. As it is students are forced to memorise ancient litterature and history- not essential life skills. Whoever decides on the syllubuses and exams either does not know that there are books available or want to numb the brains of students so that they can be controlled and manipulated.

Politicians Need the Masses Ignorant

Ignorant people can be manipulated easily and if they are poor it's easy to buy their votes. Masses do not realise that an increase in wages will result in inflation so of no benefit. They do not know that the Central Bank figures are fake. How can the the GDP be growing if architects are out of work?

So the politicians will keep the masses ignorant.

Death at Engineering College

Suicide Due to Stress

It's the no.1 college for engineering. Highly competitive entrance exam. Students are offered jobs before they graduate. This college seems a lot like the University of Moratuwa, the best university of our country.

Students commit suicide due to stress. The director justifies it saying the students need to learn how to handle stress. The students study engineering not because they love engineering or are interested in it but to get a good job and to please their parents. The grades are based purely on book learning.

Parents' Expectations

The parents expect the children to earn good money and solve the family's problems. A son who is an engineer is for status and image. Nobody cares about the happiness or well being of the child. The interests or aptitudes of the child do not matter. It's just cramming. The parents think they are martyrs for sacrificing everything for their kids and the kids are under obligation to please their parents.

Three Idiots

This is the story of the movie 3 Idiots now showing at the Majestic Cinema. It's a must watch for parents, teachers and university staff.

It Changed My Views

I thought strict discipline with suspension and expelling was good. Not anymore. It's a disaster for the students and their families which are often poor. The lives of these people should not be destroyed. University administrators should show some compassion. These students have been under so much stress from a very young age. Irrational and bad behavior is to be expected.

I thought that my children should get a good degree i.e. a degree in demand in the job market. Sri Lanka is a poor country. Do we have the luxury of choosing a career that we love? After watching the movie I am afraid to let my girls go anywhere near an Engineering college. So I am confused now. I don't know what is best for my girls.

Parents are selfish. They have no right to decide on a child's career and to expect them to solve the family's problems.

The Movie : Highly Recommended

The movie made me question my believes. So it's a good movie. I sobbed watching it. My young friend said she did not cry that it's a comedy. I suppose mothers react differently.

My Problem : How do I get my daughter to give up maths and study English Lit to become a writer? Writers are so glamorous. She will be able go to cocktail parties in lovely sarees and big necklaces. I'd love to have a famous daughter... Engineers are dull and boring. I just could not get why the parents in the movie wanted the sons to become engineers.

Colours of Happiness @ Barefoot

Colour Therapy

On Monday, when I was feeling anxious about my daughter going to a new school so I went to Barefoot for a session of colour therapy. It's fast, it's free, no stigma attached to it and works every time.

When I feel sad or down or anxious I go for therapy to Barefoot. The beautiful colours there cheer me up. Every colour there is unique, beautiful and can not be copied. They the colours of gems and give me such sensual pleasure. Like going into Ali Baba's cave sans the danger.

The staff look happy to see me, I feel welcome.

Counselling for Free

As I walked in I saw my favourite aunt, Anu. So I got myself free counselling as well.

MM: I put Tish into a new school. I am soooo worried.

Anu: Why?

MM: There are boys.

Anu: So what? High time she had a boyfriend.

MM: She has to study.

Anu: You studied, what good was that? Studies do not matter. It's living that's important.

Well aunt Anu knows what she is talking about. She is the mother of three perfect sons. An Engineer, a Doctor and an Accountant. I felt much better after our little chat.

Unfortunately I could not get a top that was the right colour, size, style and fit.

Happiness

It's good to take a little bit of happiness home. A cushion or a table mat or a coaster to keep my morning cup of coffee makes me happy. A barefoot bag is my happiness on the go. We have to make ourselves happy and little things make me happy.

Scaredy Mama needs Help

Risk Averse

When it comes to mothering I am totally risk averse. I am overprotective. I have not allowed my daughter to go to parties if there are boy there. I am called the restrictive mother by my daughter and her friends. I take decisions that I think I'll regret the least. Reason for being a stay at home mum.

Dangerous Boys

Today I put my beautiful daughter into a coed school. It was against her wishes. I persuaded my husband. I am so scared. If something goes wrong I can only blame myself. I don't have sons, so boys look like scary alien creatures to me. Even though most probably they are nice little mama's boys.

HELP!!!!!

Please help me. I need reassurance. Any moms out there who have daughters in coed schools? Tell me it's going to be OK. PLEASE!!!

Orgy Vs. Making Love

I am a very private person.

I don't like people being aware of my private pleasures. The brave and the uninhibited who participate in orgies - well I am sure they have lot of fun but it's not my thing. I like privacy, I need privacy and pleasure for me is always guilty pleasure.

My greatest pleasure

I love reading. I need books for survival and sanity. I am a bookaholic. I have to have a novel with me at all times, whatever the circumstances. I even took books on my honeymoon. My husband did not mind because he had brought study material in preparation for a course he was going to follow (Yes, we are a couple of weirdos. My husband read even while I was in labour)

So you would think I am sure to be at the Galle Literary Festival this weekend. It's supposed to be the book lover's version of heaven. Well you are wrong.

A literary festival is an orgy

1. I don't want to be in a crowd of lovers. I don't want to flaunt my private pleasures.

2. I don't want to discuss anything with writers. Specially their books. It will be like discussing intimate details with my mother in law.

3. I don't want to know how books are written. Learning anatomy and biology destroys the ability to have pleasure.

I will continue to enjoy the pleasures of reading. It's a strictly private affair between the book and me. I will do it my way.

All of you who went to the festival, hope you had fun.

Dilemma of the Missing Green Votes - Solved

How did Mahinda win by a larger margin than anybody expected.

The analysis of voter trends can not provide an explanation. My husband's deputy with his great and brilliant analytical skills got it sooooo wrong. The dilemma - Why did the green bloods vote for MR?

Serious Subject at Club

Late last night my brother in law dropped in for a chat over coffee. He was after a few drinks with his buddies at the club.

There is nothing better than alcohol and spicy bites to stimulate the lankan brains. So the guys at the club had decided to solve the dilemma and solve they did.

These tipsy dudes did what no sober analysts could ever do. They found the missing green votes.

Why do Women Hurt Men So?

The wives of these green bloods had voted for MR. The guys are feeling betrayed, sad and jealous.

How was MR able to entice their good little green women away from them?

Could it be his jet black hair and mustache? No. It's obviously coloured and our wives have better taste.

Could it be his smile of flashing porcelain teeth? Maybe.... but really..... for porcelain?

Was it the maroon silk Satakaya? Well who can understand women?

My Husband's Explanation

Ranil and Mangala were the architects of the campaign. They were able to convince the men but not the women since they don't know anything about women. MR of course knows women well. My husband is the product of a boarding school so I think he has a point.

My Explanation

Who better than ME, a woman, to tell you how women think? So let me explain.

A woman's strongest instinct is the protection of her children.

Mahinda ended the war so the women are very grateful. I was in a constant state of anxiety while the war was on and now am truly relieved.

Women never forget, as any married man or even one with a girlfriend knows. Any wrong ever done by her man, by word or deed, however small or long in the past, is never forgotten. It's brought up whenever there is a fight.

The women did not forget what MR did to make this country safe for their children. They were grateful enough to overcome party affiliations and also to overlook the wrongs committed by MR and his clan.

Ranil and Mangala don't have children or real wives, so could not predict the thinking of women.

Men Please Note :

1. Children always come first for a mother. I hurt my husband when I told him this. The truth hurts sometimes.

2. There is no cause for worry. We women do not find MR attractive. Actually I find him quite repulsive.

I am a Pessimist so I Won

Optimist Vs. Pessimist

I had a BBQ dinner yesterday. My brother in law lost an election wager. Guess who won? Ya... Me.

Apart from the genetic mutation of the missing humour gene, my in laws have another genetic mutation. They are incurable unrealistic optimists.

My bro in law was quite certain that Sarath will win the election. Last night was not a victory celebration. It was more of a wake. The guys were talking about astrologers and Ranil's Raja Yogaya. Like people consoling themselves with the idea of rebirth after the death of a loved one. It got so absurd and unrealistic that I had to leave the building. I am not superstitious and do not believe in rebirth or gods.

What do we have to look forward to? More prosperity and progress for the ruling family? The people are already talking about imminent price hikes.

The Next Seven Year

During the new term of the president, my kids would be doing their AL's and then going to universities. This is going to be very expensive for us. It is not going to be easy.

I took a gamble by removing my kids from the local education system. I just could not watch them being tortured anymore. My older daughter sat for her OLs last December and it would have only got worse. The education they were getting.... not great.

I want my kids to be strong enough to survive in this difficult world. Like most Sri Lankan parents I believe a good eduction makes a person strong.

( Soma my cook is back, looking tired but happy. The local politicos had given everybody in her neighbourhood Kiri Bath. Soma will cheer me up. She is making me mango curry, one of my favourites. The little pleasures in life keep me going)

I Did Not Vote - Reason PMS

My husband and I are registered to vote in my husband's village.

I was in the throes of PMS last weekend.

Had a meltdown, flareup whatever.

Anyway a fight with my husband so refused to go to his village.

My sweet husband did not want leave me at home on my own.

Both of us did not vote.

I feel bad.

Blame it on PMS.

( PMS is pre menstruation syndrome. I feel depressed and angry when I have it. Usually I don't bother anybody. This time it was a problem because my husband freaked out at some of my postings. I deleted these but felt angry and resentful. I wanted to be left alone for a while. Everything is fine now. Back to playing happy family.)

Liberal Lanka - for your enlightenment

I can't imagine how you got the impression that Sri Lankan women are helpless. I have not met the type of woman you describe. Have you? Do you know any Lankan Women?

Well maybe I can guess...... You think the little woman in your life is helpless... Am I right?

Let me enlighten you about Lankan women.

The lowest disparity between wages paid to men and women is in Sri Lanka.

Sri Lankan women hold/held every high post in the land.

Examples..

World's first woman prime minister

President

Chairperson of a state Bank

Present Chairperson of telecom

Two current Vice chancellors of universities

I think it's good for women here because of the Buddhist culture. Buddha taught that a woman is as smart and as capable as a man.

We Sri Lankan women are very wise

It's the wisdom passed down through the generations. We sometimes pretend to be helpless for two reasons.

1. We can avoid unpleasant tasks.

2. We want to boost the morales of our men. Doesn't it feel good when you think you are stronger than your woman? Don't you feel important and needed?

Let me illustrate with the story of a typical helpless little Sri Lankan woman

Shalini was good in her studies. Her parents encouraged her. She got a professional qualification. Worked. Lived on her own. Enjoyed Work and independence. Then she got married and had a baby. She decided to stay at home to take care of the baby. Life is great for her and this is what she tells her naive husband.

1. She can travel across continents and handle multiple transits on her own but can't find her way to Nugegoda.

2. She can find her way in a sprawling foreign hospital but not Asiri hospital.

3. She can make the best desserts and cakes but does not know to cook rice and curry.

4. She is too scared to drive after dark except after dinner at fancy resraurants.

5. She knows only a limited area in Colombo.... Limits are marked by Odel, Galle face Hotel, Orchard plaza and Park Road.

6. Can manage parking at the crowded MC car park but not near the Colpetty market.

7. Can use public transport in a strange foreign city but not in Colombo

Notice a pattern here? So Shalini leads a very comfortable life while her husband has to work very hard to finance the comfortable lifestyle while taking care of helpless Shalini. Remember Shalini managed quite well before marraige.

So Mr. Liberal Lanka who do you think is smarter?

Now please don't do anything rash and stupid. Go along with your little woman's charade if you want to continue your peaceful and happy life.

BTW Shalini is not some mythical creature. It's me.

STOP! Do not call the SPH ( Society for the Protection of Husbands). My husband is happy and content. All you guys married to independent women who makes you feel insecure and small, please call the SPH. Tel. No. 011- H U S B A N D

Enlighten me Liberal Lanka

Why did you chose a statue made in France that is a symbol of the USA as you profile picture? Wouldn't a Lankan symbol be more appropriate? I suggest the statue of Parakramabahu.

Are you really Liberal?

Sissy Boys of Lanka

Sri Lanka is a country of Sissy Boys.

I mean the cowardly guys, not the gays. I think the openly gay men are very brave. They are the opposite of the Sissy Boys and I admire them.

Mothers make them Sissy Boys

The Sissy Boys are made not born. The lankan mothers love their precious boys too much. They are pampered and protected. These boys carry forward the family name so they are treated real special. The girls on the other hand are taught to be independent and tough. The girls have to survive in a man's world, take care of kids and most importantly make the sissy boy she marries happy.

Sissy Boys at school

It's only studies. Going outside to play is not safe. From the age of five the boy has to prepare for the grade 5 scholarship exam to go to a leading school. Then it's studying to get 9 A's at O/L's. The only reason the boy has to excel in this exam is to preserve the mothers dignity. What will people say? The kid is forced to memorise tons of useless information to answer papers full of trick questions. Then the all important A/L's to get into the university.

Tuition all the Way

It all depends on the tuition. So the best mothers organise the best classes and best teachers. There is no time for leisure. It's school, tuition and study. The quality of life - null. The parents don't realise it's torture. Why the good school ? It's all ego.

This childhood creates a social misfit with zero emotional intelligence. The ragging is an opportunity for these sissy boys to bully somebody and feel superior.

Sissy Boys at Work

When the great sissy boy goes to work it's an anticlimax. Sissy does not have initiative and can't work in a team.

Sissy in Society

He is the chauvinistic, nationalist. Talks bigs, has the solution to everything but can/will do nothing. He just thinks he is superior. Sissy did not go anywhere near the war but takes all the credit for the victory. The poor boys who did not have the opportunities to go to good schools and get the best in tuition fought the war for them and some sacrificed their lives. Sissy does not do anything help these poor people. Why bother?

Shut up You Sissy Boy

All the big talk does not change the fact that you are a big Sissy. We know it and you know that we know it.

Art exhibition JDA Perera Gallery

Event - Opening art exhibition JDA Perera Gallery

Duration - January 22 to February 4th

Location - 46 Horton Place, Colombo 7

Time - 10 am to 7 pm

Great Exhibition of the works of around 40 painters and sculptors, all teachers ( past and present ) of the College of Fine Arts now the University of Visual and Performing Art. The beautiful gallery has 3 levels.

Please visit the exhibition. Rare opportunity to see the works of lots of great artists at the same time.

I am not qualified to express opinions on art, in fact quite clueless about art. I'll just tell you what I liked.

Old Artists

JDA Perera - Portraits . Exquisite.

David Paynter - Portraits

Tissa Ranasinghe - Sculpture

New Artists

RM Dharmasena - Oils . Don't Know what they are but I thought them beautiful. Abstracts?

Sarath Gunasiri Perera - Same as above

JC Rathnayaka - dull colours in acrylic. I usually like bright and bold, but I love these paintings for some reason.

The Writer of Chinthana - You belong in HOLLYWOOD

I love the Mahinda Chinthana - Vision for the future. Nobody else does. The opinions of the people are divided. Some do not understand it. All the Hubs and Nagumas are incomprehensible to them. They think they will not benefit from the Vision, if they don't get it how can they participate. Cheap food and government handouts is what these people understand.

The others think they understand the chinthana and therefore hate it because they think it is absurd and an insult to their intelligence.

The second group ask silly questions. Examples given below.

1. What are the sources of funds?

2. Do we have the expertise to do it?

3.Can it be done when there is a world recession?

These people don't know that you are trying to entertain them so they could forget reality for a while. The poverty, corruption, unemployment and problems in the health, transport and education sectors. They just don't get it but I do.

Chinthana Vision is a brilliant piece of Science Fiction / Fantasy writing. It's way better than Avatar. The planet Pandora is very much like our earth. The Chinthana Sri Lanka is nothing like the real one. The inhabitant of Pandora, the Na'vi are a lot like humans only better looking, primitive and blue. The Super humans Of the Chinthana Lanka can build cities and hubs within seconds - nothing like the real Lankans.

I have the answer to the questions people ask about The Chinthana. ALIENS!!!!! Duh...

(The reason for the mad rush to build the airports and harbours in remote locations is to receive the Aliens. Flyovers? Aliens.)

It will be like a reverse Avatar. Aliens from a more advanced civilisation will land in our country to make The Vision a reality.

The writer of the Chinthana, you belong in Hollywood. You will be appreciated in the USA. You will have fame and fortune. The lame Avatar grossed more than $ 500 million and won Golden Globe Awards. What awaits you is mind boggling.

Do not worry about the US visa. USA welcomes geniuses. Remember Einstein? At that time nobody understood the theory of relativity but they welcomed him anyway. Your work would be understood, loved and appreciated by the Americans. They are not stupid and ungrateful like the Lankans.

If possible, PLEASE take me with you. I am not appreciated by my husband and kids. You and I would make a brilliant team. The aliens scenario... Brilliant... Ya?

MeMa Poll says 80% For Sarath Fonseka

Reason

During the past couple of weeks I have seen the results of several polls. The widely divergent results ( some totally absurd) confused me. I decided do carry out my own poll. I am honest, reasonable and non partisan therefore the perfect pollster.

Date - January 16, 2010 (10 days before the election)

Place - Neighborhood of our parliament

Occasion - Funeral House ( mala batha)

Sample - 26

Result - Sarath Fonseka 21

Mahinda Rjapaksa 4 ( brave people )

Undecided 1 ( coward)

Percentages - Sarath Fonseka 80%

Mahinda Rajapaksa 20%

Interpretation - Not a random sample of the population.

Benefit - I found out the reasons for the widely diverging poll results.

1. Sample not random

2. Results are works of fiction ( nobody was asked)

Note : I ate too much rice with dry fish curry, my Favourite food, so have been in hibernation till now.

RANIL, SIT UP STRAIGHT! How to win an Ellection

Rathu Ira

Last night I watched the last part of the programme RATHU IRA on Swarnawahini. Ranil Wickramasinghe was being interviewed. Ranil did not look good. He needs help with posture, body language and also speech therapy.

The HOT Host

Oh la la! The host of that programme is so hot, much better than any Bollywood star I have ever seen. His nose is a dream. I think his name is Buddika, but I'm not sure. While watching the programme I realised that the opposition had made the wrong choice for the Common Candidate. They should have chosen the Rathu Ira Cute Host, hereafter referred to as RICH.

Rich would have won the election effortlessly. More than 50% of Sri Lanka's population is female. All of them wold have voted for rich. The female voter turnout would have been 100%.

Rich can solve all our problems effortlessly.

1 Quality of Life

As soon as the campaign starts our quality of life will improve. Can you imagine the billboards, cutouts and posters of rich allover the country? It's my idea of heaven. Anybody trying to touch one of these will haveto deal with the women.

2. Stopping Corruption

He only has to announce " Let the corruption stop" and the women will stop their husbands' corruption.

3. The Economy

Tourism will boom. There will be a huge influx of tourists - all female. They will just want to be surrounded by the cutouts of Rich. Imagine one the size of Godzilla. The main industry will be the production and sale of Rich memorabilia. We can even do a reality show of Rich telecast worldwide 24/7, generating foreign currency.

4. National Unity

The women of all races and classes will unite around rich. They would not let the men fight and mess up their utopia.

5. Health and Education

These are issues important to women. They will come up with great suggestions and I'm sure Rich will oblige them. Most nurses and teachers are women, they will ensure everything runs smoothly.

The Result

Once the population is healthy, wealthy, educated and able to live in peace and harmony. Then they can take care of themselves. Who cares about the other issues.

The General

Whatever his credentials ( and there are doubts about these), he is ugly. Who wants to see his ugly mug every day. He has no chance of motivating and mobilising the women.

Is Rich for Real?

Does Rich really exist? I have never seen anybody as near good looking as him in this country. Maybe he is a creation of special effects like Avatar.

Diehard UNPer Dies

An uncle died this morning. He is from a famous UNP family of Wayaba. His wife was exhausted and sad. The first thing she told me was " He fulfilled all his duties. The only regret I have is that he could not vote at the coming election."

A cousin volunteered to impersonate him. I think he was joking but everyone was totally horrified. They are such decent folk even if they were born without the humour gene. It's a genetic mutation in their clan.

Situations like this are a great opportunity for government stooges. They have lots of initiative and no qualms.

My opinion is that rigging will happen in large scale this election. What do you think? Will Sarath supporters in the army prevent it?

Don't be mean to Indi

I have noticed that people write really mean comments to Indi because he supports Sarath. I don't know Indi personally but I figured that he is from the famous and formidable UNP vote bank. These are people who always vote UNP whoever the candidate. There is a sinhala saying that goes - Even if you keep a broom as a cadidate these UNPers will vote for it.

These green Green Bloods are a decent set of people not to be confused with the modern day Sri Lankan politician. It's a family thing. The parents, grand parents and great grand parents are/ have been UNPers. I have got to know this sub species well because I married into a green blooded family.

These people are in a state of euphoria at present. I am enjoying great sadistic pleasure at their expense. I only have to mention an newspaper article or a TV program which said anything against their beloved general or any other politician on their side to see their faces fall and their smiles vanish.

They are a sensitive lot. (Contrast them with Soma my cook, a true blue blood. If I tell anything against Mahinda or anybody on his side Soma gets furious. I have to make a speedy escape from the kitchen, as Soma is usually handling a sharp knife or hot pan.)

I have noticed that visits from these relatives have tapered off . My stock of cake is drying up. Very soon I'll have make a visit to Klassy to buy myself cake.

So guys don't be mean to Indi. Let him enjoy a few days of happiness. Whichever way these elections go Indi is going to be disappointed. Yes, even if Sarath wins he is not going to keep his promises.

After all Indi takes trouble to keep us informed and entertained. I can get cake from Klassy but what can we do if we lose Kottu.

DO NOT MARRY THE NICE GIRL

Your Mother Tells You

" Putha, marry a nice quiete girl. She'll take care of you and be a good mother to your kids." Do not listen to her. She has got it all wrong. If you follow her advice you'll end up in a lot of trouble.

There are several types of nice girls.

If it sounds like I'm talking about diseases it's because I am.

Type 1 - The Stupid Girl

This girl seems nice and quiet because she is ignorant or stupid or both. She is going to bore you to death. She will embarrass you in public. Would not be a good mother or wife because she does not know how to.

Type 2 - The Devious Girl

This girl is a nasty piece of work and knows it. She knows she can never get married if she shows her true self. She will make your life a living hell soon after the wedding.

Type 3 - The Insecure Girl

This girl is acting nice too but is not a bad person. She is trying to be what her parents and the society in general expects her to be. You don't know what she really is at the start and may not like what she really is when you get to know her well. That's if she comes to her senses and decides to be herself. If she continues the charade she will be unhappy, hate herself and get depressed. She would not be any fun to live with.

Type 4 - The Genuinely Nice Girl

This girl loves you. Is kind, gentle and caring. She tries to please you and your family.

She never loses her temper, never fights with you and is not demanding. Life will be great for a few years. Without realizing it you will slowly but surely kill your wife. You are a nice guy but careless with this sweet and sensitive girl's feelings. You don't mean to but you hurt her and she is too sweet to let you know.

After some years of marriage she will be sad or nasty or indifferent. The family not happy.

Messy Mama's Recommendation - The Tough Girl

Marry the rough, tough, smart and opinionated girl. You know what you are getting. She will let you know when you are wrong or stupid. She can handle the problems that are an inevitable part of life. You can depend on her when things get rough. She will be a great companion to you and be a great mother to your kids - firm but kind, caring but not overprotective.

She may not look like Barbie doll, be a good cook or keep a perfect house. These things do not really matter much. The food will be healthy and the house safe and comfortable. She will have her own style without maxing the credit card. Anyway you don't want anybody to think you married a bimbo.

Your mother will not be happy at the start but later they will be great buddies and even gang up against you to laugh at your stupidities

NEVER ask your MOTHER

Never mind what conventional wisdom says . If you want to know something, if you are confused, if you have a problem or even if you are in trouble never go to your mother.

There are many reasons but I'll list the 5 most important.

Reason 1. YOU LOVE YOUR MOTHER

When a woman becomes a mother (i.e. the moment she gets pregnant), her brain is permanently altered by chemicals. This happens so that she gets the instincts to protect and take care of her children but something went wrong. Now mothers go nuts at the slightest sign of trouble.

Therefore, when you tell your mother your problems her natural, animalistic instincts kick in. She starts to ask questions, the volume of her voice increases, she starts blaming you, your father, your friends, your dead relatives (for some mysterious reason only on your father's side ) and even random strangers.

Then your mother will start crying.

But this is only if your problem is tiny and unimportant.

If your problem is of important dimensions your mother will collapse, go into cardiac arrest, get a stroke and perhaps even die. You don't want to be responsible for your mother's death so do not tell your mother your problems.

Reason 2. YOU LOVE YOUR FATHER

Your mother is going blame your father no matter what the problem is and no matter what the cause is. He will be harassed, ordered to solve the problem, ordered to advise you and to punish you.

And since your mother is upset she will become a real mean wife. Your father will not be fed or watered. No more clean clothes for him. He can forget about having a conversation. It's either the silent treatment or listening to screaming. And he can't even choose which.

You don't want to be responsible for making your father's life a living hell.

Reason 3. THE WHOLE WORLD IS GOING TO KNOW

When your mother is worried she will start phoning all your aunties ( biological aunts, aunts through marriage and all your mother's friends). This is not because she is a compulsive gossip. These women are her panel of experts ( though you know for a fact that they are a bunch of stupid old cows). All these women have your best interest at heart so they too start phoning around to find a solution. The end result of this is that you will never be able to show your face in public ever again. In this situation the only thing to do is buy shares in all the telecom companies. You will be a recluse but at least you will be rich.

So please invest in a purdah before you tell anything to your mother.

Reason 4. YOU WANT TO LEAD A NORMAL LIFE

Mothers are worse than the fierce matriarch in a herd of elephants. They have better memories too.

Your mother will do her best to prevent you doing anything remotely interesting. She will prevent you having friends and she may even attach you to a leash if she thinks she can do so and escape being reported to the child protection agency. She will let you forget your mistakes even if you end up a CEO of a Fortune 500 company, rich as Bill Gates and win the Nobel prize for finding a cure for cancer.

Reason 5. YOU WILL NEVER GET A SOLUTION

Your mother is mentally incapacitated after listening to your problem. (Ref. reason 1.) Therefore she is unable to give any good advice and will only create more problems for you. (Ref. reasons 1-4.)

THE SOLUTION

Contact me.... Messy Mama.

My advice will be unemotional and never conventional. You will also be helping a worthy cause. ME. My children never tell me anything for all the above reasons so I am bursting with crazy advice that may actually work. Also you will be saving my husband from a breakdown as he is being constantly harassed by me.

I can help you because unlike your mother I don't care about you.